What to Say
by Azulcat
Summary: How to annoy, freak out, scare, tease, et cetera Alagaesians, basically. Ideas are welcome. All of mine are original.
1. Chapter 1

**IMPORTANT MESSAGE: this is NOT meant to offend CP's characters. So if you're reading this, and your all like, "This is crap, does this person even care about all the work CP's put into the books and his characters?" just know that I wrote this when I was _really_ bored. So please no flames! Please please please! Ideas are very welcome though.**

**Disclaimer: what do you think. **

**Well, here's the first… 23... things! Read and Review, peeps!**

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1: Walk up to an elf and pretend to talk in the Ancient Language. 

2: Tell people that you 'got new socks today!"

3: Stop suddenly in the middle of a crowded street, point upwards, and yell, "OMIGOD/GOSH BANANAS ARE FALLING FROM THE SKY!"

4: Call Arya 'Mary Sue' whenever you're talking to her.

5: Constantly say in a loud voice how much hotter Murtagh is than Eragon.

6: Ask Eragon why he has in bright purple letters on his forehead, "Loser". If he looks in a mirror and denies it, paint the aforementioned letters on his forehead when he's sleeping. The next morning, tell him you're glad that he washed the letters off.

7: Ask Murtagh for an autograph. Ask him over and over again.

8: Ask Murtagh if you can be his girlfriend.

9: If you're a guy, ask Arya if you can _not_ be her boyfriend.

10: Laugh at elf's pointy ears.

11: Tell everyone that their figments of an amazing person's imagination named Christopher Paolini and that they don't really exist.

12: Skip around Dras'Leona singing, "Hooray for Eragon, he killed evil Durza, He's obsessed with an elf named Arya, and he dances with swords!" in the 'Happy Birthday' theme.

13: Become King/Queen of Alagaësia. Raise everyone's taxes to 90.

14: Pretend to be King Galbatorix's servant. Tickle him to death when he sleeps.

15: Tell Galbatorix that Shruikan left him for Saphira.

16: Tell Saphira that Thorn's too young for her.

17: Say to Eragon, "Stupiddragonriderssaywhat." Laugh at him when he asks 'What?'

18: Start laughing randomly in public. When people look at you in confuzzledness, stop laughing abruptly and scoot away from them, staring at them as if their crazy.

19: Try to mind-speak with someone… even if you cant.

20: Run through the Varden screaming: "MARTIANS ARE ATTACKING ALAGAËSIA!"

21: Whisper whenever you are talking to someone. When they ask you to repeat what you said, scream, "WHAT, ARE YOU DEAF?"

22: Ask Eragon if you can ride Saphira. If he refuses, ask him over and over again until he allows you to. If he says yes, scream in excitement, jump onto Saphira's back, and tell her to go everywhere (Example: "Take me to Du Weldenvarden, Surda, Uru-baen, Yazuac, Daret, Carvahall, Tierm, Furnost, Gil'ead, Kuasta, Farthen Dur, Helgrind, Dras'Leona, and to top it off: Ellesmera!")

23: Play 'Just the Girl' by The Click Five whenever you see Eragon and Arya together. If you don't have a portable music playing device, just sing the song really loudly (off-key if you can manage).\

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**Well, that's all I have right now! Review if you want more, and I also need ideas! Ideasideasideas!! So just click the little purple button below and submit your reviews/ideas!**


	2. Chapter 2

24: Tell Arya that she's not good enough for Eragon and that she's really mean because she broke his heart multiple times and she's too perfect.

25: Replace the main character's names with really stupid or unethical nicknames… such as the entire lyrics to a song, or Tikitembonosorembocharibariroochipipberipembo. (Holy crap! I can't believe I remember that name! The last time I'd heard it was in kindergarten…)

26: Wear a cape that says, 'Shadeslayer' in very bold letters on the back.

27: Sing, "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves…" in a crowded area.

28: Force Eragon to do all sorts of magic for you. Make sure he's in a hurry to do something else. Methods of force: chocolate deprivation (dun dun DUUUUN), tickling, and threaten to tell Arya that he loves her. If the last thing doesn't work (Cos it's not like she doesn't know --) then use your imagination!

29: Steal random possessions of Eragon. Tell him Orik took them.

30: -DON'T DO THIS IF YOU CAN USE MAGIC- Yell words in the Ancient Language to do stuff. When it doesn't work, surreptitiously complete the task the 'normal' way, and then scream that you just used magic.

31: Carry a large rock around obsessively and insist that it's a dragon egg.

32: Scream and faint when you see Saphira… even if you've already seen her.

33: Stand in the middle of a dwarf city, looking around curiously at all the dwarfs. When enough are staring at you, wondering why _you're_ staring, say very loudly, "Am I in the North Pole?"

34: Ask a dwarf where Santa Claus is.

35: Think aloud. Topics to think about: the relationship between Eragon and Arya, dwarfs' height, Eragon's emotional problems, Murtagh's hotness, etc.

36: Laugh manically outside of someone's bedroom for hours at a time. Preferably Galbatorix's.

37: Start a group of Murtagh fan girls.

38: Tell Eragon he's destined to do great things (sarcasm).

39: Tell Eragon that you already killed Galbatorix. Watch in amusement as he fumes with jealousy for a little while, _then_ tell him you were only joking.

40: Scream with delight and cuddle Solembum (when he's a cat of course) saying, "Oh, what an adorable kitty!" etc.

41: Sneeze successively whenever you're around Saphira, claiming that you're, "Allergic to dragons."

42: Tell Saphira that you hate the color blue. Spray-paint her pink while she's sleeping.

43: Loose your group of crazy fan girls on Murtagh.

44: Stalk Eragon. Make sure he knows what you're doing, but pretend to think that he doesn't see you.

45: Hide one of someone's possessions (preferably Eragon), and after they've spent a sufficient number of hours searching, place the item in plain view on their bed, wardrobe, etc.


End file.
